Taking the Ego Out of Sex Advice

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If there’s one thing I would like to change, it is this know-it-all attitude that people bring to any discussion of sex. Adults so often assume that they know everything about sex and yet most people have never even read a sex manual.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but it would be more convincing if they were not flaunting their own sexual ego. Whatever our own personal views there is absolutely no need to express them in a way that humiliates other people.

A woman in her thirties was confident in recommending: “I love sex and I am sure I love it just as much as men do. If you are not enjoying sex you need a new partner. You should be enjoying sex! … I have had many lovers which I completely and thoroughly enjoyed wild, hot, passionate sex just for sex sake! “

If women were truly offering to share experiences, they would express their views with more humility. People feel free to make highly personal comments about someone else’s relationship when, in truth, they know very little about sex. It is this arrogant and patronising approach that holds other people back from talking about sex.

Are such women even aware that orgasms exists? They talk about enjoying sex but perhaps that doesn’t include true female sexual arousal and orgasm? They are happy with reality as they find it because sex totally fulfills their expectations. There is no appreciation of the fact that people approach sex from totally different perspectives.

I am discussing sex on a different and more questioning level. For example, when I had sex for the first time I already knew how to masturbate myself to orgasm. Most women never learn how to orgasm by themselves let alone with a partner. Some other women only learn about orgasm through masturbation much later. So they have nothing to compare sex with.

As recently (when you think that sex has been around for eons) as the 1950’s, society was shocked to the core when Alfred Kinsey proposed that women might be even capable of orgasm. So if orgasm is just as easy to achieve, natural and spontaneous for women as it is for men, then it must be the best kept secret ever.

Even today with all the information we have, our liberated views and easy access to sexual partners my point is that it cannot be that every women in the world (or even just in western society) now experiences orgasm during sex. Most people still don’t even appreciate that the clitoris is the female sex organ and the source of a woman’s orgasm however she claims to achieve it.

This is because clitoral stimulation only works once a woman is aroused enough in her mind for genital stimulation to be effective. Even if a woman realises that her sexual arousal works through focusing on complex erotic scenarios during female masturbation alone, it is much less intuitive for her to even consider using similar orgasm techniques during sex with a partner.

Women who are claiming that it is all so easy need to start offering more factual substance to back their claims of sexual arousal and orgasm. Other women out there have also have a female mind and body. We know that without testosterone and the male sex drive, we do not constantly have eroticism, sex and orgasm on our minds.

Any woman who knows anything about her own sexual arousal knows that women have to work up to sex. A woman who admits that arousal takes longer, for example, or that she has to work at achieving her own arousal is more credible.

It is a FACT that since very few women masturbate, by definition, most women approach sex without any knowledge of what orgasm feels like or how to achieve it. So they ASSUME that female orgasm occurs as easily as male orgasm does. The pleasures they enjoy during sex, whether sensual pleasure or sharing physical intimacy, they attribute to arousal and orgasm.

Dating is easy because of the romance that often accompanies sex. Try being married for ten to twenty years and many couples find that a good sex life requires a little investment. Again if it all continues blissfully for you, great, but there’s no need to patronise others. You may think that you have all the answers but if you are to help others you will need to provide specifics.

Jane Thomas: Author and

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